Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Tomorrow I'm adopting French as my first language.

Some of my conversations today were ones that belong in the record books. For varied reasons.

My morning began with this one:

District Court Clerk's office: hello?
Me: Hi, I have a question about a filing that I made last night. This morning I received a notice that it was not filed in the proper manner and I wanted to clarify which item it should be filed under so that I might fix it.
DC: what were you filing?
Me: [insert boring law speak here]
DC: and you filed it under what?
Me: [more boring law speak]
DC: yeah, you filed it wrong.
Me: Yes, I gathered that from the notice. Would you mind telling me what item it SHOULD be filed under?
internal monologue: WTF, YOU :kjgi:&r*&")(u"ih"oug. NO SHIT I "FILED IT WRONG" I CAN READ THE MFING NOTICE.
DC: hold please
DC: miss? you need to file it under notices, other.
Me: Ok, great, thank you.

[I file the damn thing under the right thing with the electronic filing. I'm sure you totally understand what I'm saying.]

...five minutes later

[I receive a new notice via email - the document has been filed under the wrong item. AGAIN.]


[head explodes]

But! Fear not, gentle reader - this next precious discourse GREATLY improved my day. And to me, is the greatest gchat of all time. Thanks to the lovelies jcristg and AmeliaMac. (these are select passages only, obvi)

jcristg: and i'm listening to the avett brothers on npr
i feel so cliche saying that
please don't tell anyone
so cliche and HIPSTER
me: you are such a hipster
i'm telling

[conversation progresses, we all watch this video]

jcristg: also, this is the most annoying song prob ever
but the video is too much
me: had you not heard it?
AmeliaMac: (i love that song... do not judge)
jcristg: i have heard it
i can't believe i made it all the way through it
me: AmeliaMac: (i love that song... do not judge) hahahha i'm so proud
jcristg: (i am hipster, remember? not teeny-bopper)
me: oh right. forgot.
AmeliaMac: i am both.
jcristg: lol
AmeliaMac: i'm a hipster-bopper
AmeliaMac: or a teeny-hipster... whichev
me: the chances of you seeing this portion of the conversation on my blog later are PRETTY DAMN GOOD
AmeliaMac: also, using the term "teeny-hipster" introduces the most-loved concept on earth for a hipster: irony. i am neither teeny, nor hip - IRONIC!

[note: AmeliaMac is so TOTALLY hip, but alas not a teenager - still pretty damn funny, though]

me: "how many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"
"Two. One to change it in an ironic fashion and one to get it."
or - my personal favorite: "how many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"
"you mean you don't know?"

[thus ending the hipster portion of the afternoon]

And then, there was the very brief, yet highly memorable exchange which occurred this evening with my mother. If you follow me on twitter you are already aware of this one.

(this one might be the best one. Ya know, if you're not me.)

Oh the Mom. What will I do with you?

That's it for tonight, party people. Unless someone else wants to talk Party in the USA?



  1. If I'm a hipster, does that mean I have to start wearing skinny jeans? Because I'm pretty sure that's not happening, ever.

  2. I'm just glad you didn't post the part where we couldn't figure out how to start a group chat. AGAIN.

  3. One night at a wedding my mother starts talking about wedding costs (keep in mind I wasn't engaged at the time). When I responded to whatever the hell she was talking about she goes "Sarah, it is awkward to talk about weddings in front of your boyfriend."

    WTF, Mom. WTF.