Let's discuss

1. I really, really am seriously jealous of all of you who are currently at Blogher and I'm not. I eagerly await each and every one of your Twitter updates and Blogher wrap-up posts. And I also kind of want to hit you. But just a little bit.
   
   
2. Because I was not at Blogher today, I decided that I was not going to be productive at all as far as work was concerned. Items accomplished today: painted nails, read OK! magazine, cleaned out my Google Reader, caught up on personal emails, watched the New Moon trailer as well as sneak peeks filmed at ComicCon and drank 5 cups of coffee. I also helped jcristg find a new purse and mourned the fact that The Pioneer Woman is at Blogher and we are not.
   
   
3. I ordered this watch the other day. It has been "out for delivery" since 6:50AM. Where the hell is it?!
   
   
4. If my watch isn't delivered today. I'm going to get one of these.
   
   
5. WHAT KIND OF FREAK DOES THAT TO THEMSELVES???
   
   
6. I went to my grandparents' house for dinner last night. What you don't want to hear from your grandfather as soon as you walk in the door: "What have you been up to other than eating?" (I AM NOT asking for compliments here, so don't give me any. I just want you to think the same thing I am: REALLY? REALLY, PAPA?) Anyone else have experience with their grandparents losing their filters???
   
   
7. I bought some of these notebooks the other day from Target and I really, really like them. You should buy them too.
   
   
8. HAPPY WEEKEND!!!!!

The itsy-bit...The FREAKING HUGE Spider

Disclaimer: Yes, one of God's creatures was harmed - but not expressly for the purpose of this blog. I HAD to do it. Our lives could have been in DANGER, people. And I left the two innocents, Rita and Rob, (both black and yellow garden [aka banana] spiders) alive and well in the corner under the eave. So I don't want to hear it.

When I arrived at work today, the following email awaited me:

From: kungfuvonny
Sent: Wednesday, July 08, 2009 9:10 AM
To: Green is the New Dots; Taysaywhat
Subject: AHHHHHH

did anyone see the new, HUGE spider by where the other two are? it was crouched in the corner and i am not kidding i thought it was a brown baby frog or something. it is the HUGEST spider i have ever seen except for those banana spiders.

Hm. I did not notice said spider. Perhaps it was due to my sleep-induced haze? Thus, the following email conversation commenced:

Taysaywhat: On the front porch????

kungfuvonny: yes!!! all crouched up like in the corner between the side wall and the wall the door is on. i'm not kidding, it's so huge i didn't even know what to do so i started nervously giggling.

Taysaywhat: dead curled up? how did i miss that? it's going to have to be shooed away. and by shooed i meant SHOED. By the Dots.

kungfuvonny: NO, ALIVE. crouched in ready position. maybe it will be gone. i'm hoping i was hallucinating.

Taysaywhat: why didn't you Twit pic? Are you sure it didn't get in the house?

kungfuvonny: i am sure that it was still outside when i left. and honestly, it's like a wild animal. i don't know if it could survive indoors where it can't hunt large rodents.

Green is the New Dots: i did not notice this king of the spiders. should i make a special trip home at lunch to check it out and end it's rodent-hunting life? though i have to remind you - spiders kill other bugs. perhaps this is a special palmetto bug eating spider and we should let it live in a life of luxury?

Thus, it was then decided that kungfuvonny and I would go home at lunch and I would take care of this little spider problem once and for all.

And so we did.

I shall now give you the step by step scenario of what occurred upon arriving at the casa de Dots.

Observation/Step 1:

Spidey can, in fact, be seen from the driveway.

Observation/Step 2:

Spidey's body (legs curled up in lotus position) is the size of 2+ of my fingernails. (Larger than he appears as my hand is very much in the foreground - not that brave.)

Observation/Step 3:

Upon closer inspection, Spidey is super freaky looking.

Step 4:
Spray Spidey with cockroach spray.

Observation/Step 5:
Spidey jumps to the ground splaying out his legs. Diameter of Spidey with legs stretched=3.5-4 inches (I'M NOT KIDDING) (cue kungfuvonny's shriek)

Step 6:
Smash Spidey to pieces with Jack Rogers sandal and throw him away in the herby curby.

VICTORY IS MINE.

Hopefully Spidey's spouse/mother will not come find me and avenge his death.

For those of you concerned, Rita and Rob are still hanging on and going strong. They were not harmed in the massacre of the king-crab-looking, prehistoric Spidey.

UPDATE: Rob has since bitten the dust. He is most likely a victim of the back blast of the cockroach spray used to debilitate Spidey. RIP Rob. Rita will miss you. And looks seriously pissed.

Where my dogs at?

So I've been gone for awhile. I didn't forget I had a blog (though my 3 readers probably did), I just didn't have anything of particular interest to write about that I didn't already cover in under 140 characters. However, yesterday - the day when I finally started to feel like a human again (post-sinus infection) - I saw this on my firm's unofficial bulletin board:

These puppies are 6 weeks old and are a mix of Jack Russell and Boston Terrier. They are here in Mt. Pleasant and free to a good home. They aren't in rescue, but my friends and fellow rescuers are trying to network to get them homes. 2 males, 2 females.

Now, keep in mind, my mother has a boston terrier (who is the love of my life), my alma mater's mascot is a boston terrier, I LOVE BOSTON TERRIERS. Not to mention the fact that I love all dogs in general. And I don't have one. Why? Good question: Because I don't think I'm ready for a child at this, my 25th year. But after seeing those little faces and the free price tag?? I was seriously reconsidering my decision. The little pup faces were all it took to melt my teeny tiny blackened heart. I thought a lot about it last night and was still mulling it over in my slightly doped-up (thanks doc!) head this morning when I open my google reader and this was shared by one of my lovely friends. ZOMG. It's a SIGN. I'm supposed to HAVE A DOG. RIGHT NOW. I even had my argument outlined and tabbed with yellow sticky notes to take on both my roommate (who prefers very large drooling/shedding types of dogs - no thank you, I prefer my house to remain standing/drool free) and my mother who seems to think that just because I'm a legal adult and pay bills and manage to dress myself and get to work every. single. day. all on my own (!) that I am incapable of making any decision (at least a correct one) without her help. (Oh hi, Mom!)

So the time has come for yours truly to get a dog. Huzzah! I check the posting for the name of the contact and what do I see? An update? Hm. Heart tempo picks up...stomach feeling a little tense...shoulders take position next to ears...and...

Three are spoken for, the little black one is left and there is some interest in him. There's been a lot of interest generated by everyone forwarding the email.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. My child has been given to someone else.

Alone again.

*sobs*

Bring on the vodka and dogsitting. Back to reality.

Christmas come early

Today is the last day that almost all other employees are going to be in my office because they had the luxury of taking off all of tomorrow. Many of the smart ones didn't work today either. Unfortunately, I am not one of the lucky ones, and I will be at work tomorrow until 12:01pm, at which point I will run, not walk, out of my building and hit the road to mom and dad's. Whilst running errands for the mom all the way.

Because this is the last time that these people will see me before Christmas, they come bringing the gifts. Keep in mind, that I have already distributed my hand-made jewels to the women, which turned out beautifully, if I do say so myself, and homemade delicacies to the men. The men never let me down on the reciprocation of gifts: two gave me a bottle of wine and one gave me cash - he's like my dad at work and I literally gave him a hug. Anyway, the women are the ones you have to watch out for. You would think that after receiving a Green is the New Dots original work of beaded art that they would put at least a little bit of thought into a gift. I'm not trying to sound like a brat, really, I would rather someone NOT get me a gift than to present me with something that I not only have no idea what it is, but what in the HELL I'm supposed to do with it.

Enter, the fairy. This picture doesn't even do this thing justice. While you may think looking at this picture that all of the fabric flowing around the fairy is wrapping, oh no, my internet friends, that is all actually attached to this porcelain fairy thing. With string hair.

The lovely lady that gave it to me usually has a great eye for gifts. She gave me the fabulous blinking necklace as seen here. She is a great dresser, always wearing JCrew or something equally stunning, but yet - here we have a 'mermaid-fairy-princess' which I am supposed to use to decorate my tree at home or my desk at work.

She was even in my office a few minutes ago highlighting the perks of this piece of work to another of our co-workers pointing out 'isn't it sooo cute, and isn't it great that it is not Christmas-specific so it can be displayed all year?' SHIT people. This woman has basically just told me that she expects to see this damned thing in my office ALL YEAR ROUND. As if the people in my firm don't think I'm crazy enough as it is, now I'm going to have to display THIS? AWESOME.

I'll keep you updated on what happens when the owner of the firm comes by and sees this thing. He'll think I've gone 'round the bend and fire me from being his dog-sitter (because would you want someone with this displayed in their office in your home taking care of your animals?? I think not.), thus I will lose my additional source of income and be forced to stop shopping. DAMMIT.

Well, at least it might help my chances of winning Slynnro's fabulous holiday giveaway???

Stay tuned.