Thursday, December 18, 2008

"I suffer from rage blackouts"

I'm sure you are all familiar with the oft-cited statistic that suicide rates spike betweeen Thanksgiving and New Year's Eve. Isn't it even in When Harry Met Sally? I have a new theory. I firmly believe that this statistic is incorrect.

It is my opinion, that what really happens looks a little something like this:

A person (for these purposes, let's call her "idiot driver") pulls out in front of a stressed out 25-year-old (let's call her "Dots") and slams on her breaks, and then continues to drive 10 miles under the speed limit in the left lane. Idiot driver then continually stops and puts on her blinker, attempts to turn, and then changes her mind. TEN TIMES. Dots has an anuerism, gets out of her car, trips and accidentally strangles idiot driver. Policeman takes pity on Dots, who is merely trying to run Christmas-errands during her lunch hour and labels the strangling a suicide.

So really all of these "suicides" are actually just accidental homicides.

Or is Dots the only one with holiday road rage?

Something to contemplate.
And now I must go to a holiday happy hour. It's a hard life, but someone has to live it.

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